Hello Beautiful people!
For 28 years of my marriage with Todd, we have cycled through the same challenge.
He Said, She Said
75% of our communication, when it comes to decision making, disagreements, parenting decisions, talks about money, even how we Christmas shop, ended in arguments. They led to me shutting down. Todd feeling attacked or told what to do. Me feeling like a deer in headlights, like, “What just happened?”.
This struggle has been real for 28 years. Our inability to communicate effectively has left us both incredibly desperate and very lonely.
I think he should talk nicer, be mindful of his tone and facial expressions when he speaks to me. When I communicate with him, I’d really love it if he would have something to say back.
He thinks I over-react and make things a bigger deal than they are. He doesn’t like to be “told what to do” or “scripted” to talk to the kids.
When I communicate with him things that bother me, he stares back and asks me to get to the point. He communicates “matter of fact”, bottom line. Point A to point B.
Written here it may not sound like a big deal. But, of course, it goes much deeper than this.
Communication is Key to a Sustainable and Successful Relationship.
Would you agree?
According to recent relationship trends “People are increasingly more open to investing in mentors they trust, and will not shy away from investing in the love department of their lives in 2019. ” And, “To maintain a happy, strong relationship for the duration of a lifetime requires couples to continually adapt to one other. They are more inclined to work through relationship issues in order to adapt to their partner’s ongoing needs and changes.”
Both Todd and I believe in counseling and have made it part of our journey. We have seen a counselor on and off for our whole marriage and the source was always, we could not seem to communicate effectively no matter what we did or hard we seemed to try.
The Skill Set that Changed our Marriage
Recently, for my work as a Holistic Wellness Coach, I was introduced to a revolutionary skillset to increase my revenue by up to 300%, allow me to understand and serve my customers and partners better, and to save us both time.
Little did I know that this unique skill set would apply not only to my professional relationships and be a game changer but also be a game changer in my PERSONAL relationships as well.
It was like a light bulb finally turned on and it was all clear!
I really never thought we would move through this. I thought we would have to settle. I thought we would never be able to be as close as I wanted., to come to the line at the same time. I never thought I would say this, but Todd and I have never been more in love. It’s so awesome!
I now understand the specific set of “negotiation” or “come alongside” values that Todd communicates from are completely different than mine.
For 28 years I have basically been speaking a foreign language to him and he to me.
He has heard, “blah, blah, blah. What do you think?”
Or, “blah, blah blah, that’s why I think we should buy a new treadmill.”
Now when we have a discussion or negotiate or parent or present grievances or challenges come up, I filter it all first and remember to speak “Todd”
I kid you not, EVERYTHING is different. EVERYTHING has changed.
No UN-learning
Just last night, we cycled to a quickly heated negotiation. Per the old ways, it came fast and I felt like it came out of nowhere. I thought for a second, omg, I can’t believe I just wrote about our bliss and here we are again.
The difference was I didn’t tell myself the old story. I KNEW we were different now. He KNEW we were different, No going back. No UNlearning what we have learned. We walked away before it was “too late”. Within the hour, my man apologized and we went to bed holding hands.
Todd and I are forever on this journey. Forever.
BONUS
As my personal relationships have shifted and grown, so has my professional direction. I continue to coach wellness with a twist and focus on relationships. PROFESSIONAL RELATIONSHIPS.
I am a certified and licensed trainer for value-based sales. Training the essential soft skills with a revolutionary methodology….yep, the same one that has changed my marriage. I am beyond excited to offer a cutting edge system and tools to master effective communication to influence and serve effectively professionally that applies immediately to our personal relationships! #timesaver
This is a great article: https://www.forbes.com/sites/forbeslacouncil/2018/07/20/business-and-people-why-relationships-are-essential-for-a-successful-business/#2239791c74f2
Stay away from sugar. Before meal blood sugars are 70-99. It’s estimated that a blood sugar level of 120 reduces your immune system by up to 75%!
High quality supplementation and probiotic. Supplementing our healthy diet is so important for an optimal immune system. 70% of our immune system is in the walls of our gut.
Meditation is how I begin my day. Quiet time alone focused on your breathing can boost your immune system. Meditation can be practiced anywhere, for any amount of time. One type of meditation commonly used as a stress management technique is called Transcendental Meditation. It’s simple to do. It’s recommended that you practice for 20 minutes, two times a day. You sit with your eyes closed and repeat a mantra of your choice.
Exercise/ Move your body daily. Having a daily exercise routine is a great way to master your stress management. Regular exercise will help you feel better by releasing endorphins and help you maintain overall health.
Sleep 7-9 hours. I feel best with 7 and 1/2 hours. You’ll think twice about cheating yourself out of sleep after reading this. 5 Rreasons Why Your Body Needs More Sleep.
I’ve aligned myself as an ambassador for the Body Image Movement.
First, go to your kitchen table ( not your living room and there can be no television screen in front of you) and find the prettiest tablecloth you have.
Celavive will be available world-wide in early 2018.
I had a mentor.
Really, my friends, Todd is a superdad. NOT a perfect dad–a real dad. He is doing his best to BE his best. ☺️ Cheers to all the daddys doing their best and to all the dads who have left this physical place.
Just Do It
